dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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