walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
