I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Randomize
