bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
