It's like God shit irony all over that family
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
