saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
