Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Randomize
