it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize