remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
