I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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