My friends, they love my intelligence
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
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