the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
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