Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
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