and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
I need to align my fucking chakras
Randomize
