So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
