you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
