I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
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