They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
