so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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