i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
