guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
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