you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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