i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
