id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Randomize
