I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
