Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
