Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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