Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Randomize
