turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
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