It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
We need to get me chipped asap
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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