She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
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