he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Randomize
