that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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