You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
