Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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