go do what you do best...puke behind churches
I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I have already put on my inside pants.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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