forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
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