it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Randomize