I'd wear matching sweaters with you
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
