When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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