I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize
