My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Randomize
