oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
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