I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
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