How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
