Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
