i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
