were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
