dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
