So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
