We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
