i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
