If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Randomize