Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
