Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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