never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
