He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
