even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
