I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
