Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
