You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Randomize
