Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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