He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
