I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
I understand Curling. That high.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
