Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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