just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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