i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Ladies don't puke and tell
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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