Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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