and you said cock pushups were impossible
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Randomize
