Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
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