I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
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