dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Randomize