But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
