The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
