she woke up with a sticky ear
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
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