i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
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