I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
