obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
you traded sex for a burrito?
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
